Leadership of Arizona Americans Elect Party Resigns En Masse, Disbands Party, and Leaves for Real World

PARADISE VALLEY, Ariz., Aug. 28 - The leadership of the Arizona Americans Elect Party today voted to disband the party, resign en masse, and leave the state to take up residence in the real world. 

"We have decided to bow to reality and get the hell out of this shithole," said former party leader Trey Young. "But as we all leave for the real world, we are leaving the party in the capable hands of Americans Elect of Arizona, and the party's 2014 candidate for governor, J.L. Mealer." 

"All of us wish Americans Elect of Arizona the best of luck," said Buffy Lehman Auchincloss, ex-first vice-chair of the defunct organization, as she boarded her private jet for her estate in Palm Beach, Florida, giving other former members of the party leadership lifts to their new homes in New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Seattle, Austin, Boston, Miami, Paris and Dubai. 

"Don't cry for us, Arizona!" said Dr. Irina Tereshkova, former treasurer of the party as she left carrying a bag filled with the party's financial records and assets. "Because we won't miss you at all!"

 

Arizona Americans Elect Party Passes Resolution Calling on Arizona Legislature to Name Cronuts the Official State Pastry

PARADISE VALLEY, Ariz., July 8 --

Today the Supreme Leader and Council of Guardians of Arizona's fastest-growing political party, the Arizona Americans Elect Party, passed a resolution calling on the state legislature to name cronuts as the official state pastry of Arizona.

"This sugar-rolled, cream-filled, glaze-topped doughnut-croissant hybrid has been taking America by storm," said Buffy Lehman Auchincloss, the party's first vice president.  "So feverish has the craving for cronuts become that customers reportedly have been known to pull up in their cars and buy the pastries from line-waiters at a $30 markup."

"That's why cronuts represent the best of Arizona's free-market, entrepreneurial spirit," said party treasurer Dr. Irina Tereshkova.  "The passion for cronuts that leads people to spend hours on line waiting for these delicious pastries is akin to the passion of the pioneer women and men who built Arizona after they stole it from the land's indigenous people and the government of Mexico."

"The Arizona Americans Elect Party calls on the legislature to name cronuts the official state pastry at the start of the next legislative session," said Trey Young, the party's leader.  "We hope that even our state representative and state senators will be able to accomplish this commonsense act despite their utter lack of common sense."

Michael Bloomberg Named Honorary National Interim Chairman of Arizona Americans Elect Party at National Convention of State Americans Elect Parties in New York

NEW YORK, June 2 --

Following his thoughtful and passionate keynote address to the first-ever national Convention of State Americans Elect Parties, New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg agreed to accept the position of Honorary National Interim Chairman of the Arizona Americans Elect Party, state party leaders today announced.

"We're absolutely delighted that Mayor Bloomberg has decided to support the Arizona Americans Elect Party in this fashion," said the party's first vice-chairwoman, Buffy Lehman Auchincloss.  "Michael has a big following among Arizona voters, and indeed, among people of good will throughout the United States, and we are privileged to have prevailed upon him to join our efforts to provide an electoral alternative in Arizona."

Speaking to the gathering of representatives from the dozen states, including Arizona, in which the Americans Elect Party will be on the ballot again in 2014, Mr. Bloomberg said, "The last time I checked, the Constitution said nothing about there being only two political parties; in fact, it doesn't have any mention of political parties in it whatsoever."

"It stands to reason," Mr. Bloomberg told the convention delegates, "that in a three-way or four-way election, the public has more choice than if it's a two-way race, just as it has more choice in a two-way race than a one-way race."

"Michael Bloomberg's positions on gun control, immigration, marriage equality, reproductive rights, climate change and other issues are in perfect sync with the positions held by most of us in Arizona's fastest-growing political party," said Arizona Americans Elect Party leader Trey Young.  "Plus it never hurts, in politics as in life, to have friends with money."

"Mayor Bloomberg has courageously criticized our backward state laws on gun violence and immigration," said the state party treasurer, Dr. Irina Tereshkova.  "We are hoping that our new Honorary National Interim Chairman will help us select and support Arizona Americans Elect Party candidates in next year's state and federal elections so we can make Arizona more like New York City."

Newly-Elected Arizona Americans Elect Party Yuma County Co-Chairs Rain Halligan and Elijah Sanchez Pledge to Make Arizona Less of a Shithole

YUMA, Ariz., Apr. 30 -

Rain Halligan and Elijah Sanchez, both of Yuma, were today elected co-chairs of the Yuma County chapter of the Arizona Americans Elect Party, and pledged themselves to "make Arizona less of a shithole."

Ms. Halligan, 28, a Yuma visual artist and LGBT activist, and Mr. Sanchez, bassist in a Yuma band, were elected at a meeting of party members led by state party leader Trey Young, and including party treasurer Dr. Irina Tereshkova, artistic director Richard Grayson, and first vice-chairwoman Buffy Lehman Auchincloss.

"Arizona as we know it is, like, totally fucked up," said Ms. Halligan.

Mr. Sanchez agreed, noting that the recent signing of a bill to forbid the destruction of weapons received in municipal gun buybacks is just the latest example of how "Arizona is seen as a laughingstock filled with right-wing assholes."

"Most Republican male legislators like guns because they're concerned about their small penis size," said Ms. Halligan.  "Jan Brewer must have a similar problem or something."

"The Arizona Americans Elect Party will change all that in the 2014 elections," said party leader Trey Young.  "We're looking for cool people to join us and for cool people to run as candidates.  Hopefully, we'll get some more of Yuma's 'natural aristocrats' like Rain and Elijah to become a part of Arizona's fastest-growing political party."

Buffy Lehman Auchincloss Elected First Vice-Chairwoman of the Arizona Americans Elect Party

PARADISE VALLEY, Ariz., Apr. 28 -

Buffy Lehman Auchincloss, 93, the philanthropist and longtime social activist, today was elected First Vice-Chairwoman of the Arizona Americans Elect Party, the state's fastest-growing political party which will be on the ballot in 2014.

Ms. Auchincloss, a former fashion designer and airplane pilot who created scholarships for graduate students interested in studying feminist and environmental issues, lives in Paradise Valley, and also maintains homes in Palm Springs, Manhattan and Bermuda.  She has agreed to help raise substantial funds for the Arizona Americans Elect Party, according to Trey Young, the party's leader and her great-grandnephew, who announced her election.

"Aunt Buffy taught me so much about progressive politics, fashion and haute cuisine when I was growing up," Mr. Young said in a statement.  "I'm going to keep learning from her.  It is fabulous to have her at my side as we lead the Arizona Americans Elect Party into the next election."